"Ace Ventura" goes into the category of movies that got slammed by critics, developing a cult following before receiving negative backlash for political incorrectness. In it,
Jim Carrey plays a pet detective, who is assigned to find the stolen dolphin that the Miami Dolphins use as their mascot. After finding a connection between a rare gemstone and the team, he is
off to solve the case, led by a supervisor who is annoyed by his methods.
The aforementioned backlash is due to a transphobic plot twist. While funny in a shocking sense, it certainly hasn't aged well. Still, this was a breakout hit for Jim Carrey, and serves as the blueprint
for his signature antics in subsequent comedies.
Available on VHS, DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: B-
The worst thing a movie can be is boring. Why bring this up? Because "After" is aggressively boring. It follows a freshman college "good girl", who goes after
a "bad boy". How many times has this been done before?
Apart from the story being generic, it doesn't have enough substance to cover a feature-length film, making it move at a snail's pace. The acting is wooden, and just about the
only redeeming quality of the movie is the awe of how shallow these characters are.
Available on DVD and Blu-Ray
Grade: D-
Disney live-action remakes are a clear symptom of creative bankruptcy. This re-imagining of the 1992 cartoon features the same story, which follows a street urchin
who becomes a prince by way of the Genie's magic lamp. This threatens the evil king Jafar, who is arranging a marriage with Princess Jasmine.
What's different this time around is that the runtime is strangely drawn out. The original classic was a tight 90 minutes, but 38 minutes were tacked onto this new version, with little
actual substance added. The production values also feel less like Disney and more like a Netflix original. The CGI used for the Genie is ugly, and the costumes look oddly curated,
as if they were just purchased from Spirit Halloween. One of the new musical numbers actually pauses the story, adding to the sloppiness. To be fair, all of the essential components
from the original were carried over, such as the classic story and Alan Menken score. But there's little that it does new on its own. "Aladdin" might look like an average Disney movie at first glance,
but as a remake, it gives the concept of remakes a bad name.
Available on DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: C-
Have you seen "King Solomon's Mines", the poor man's version of Indiana Jones? If so, you've seen this sequel. It follows Allan Quatermain as he sets off on a quest through the African jungles to find his brother,
who went missing looking for a city of gold, where a lost white race supposedly lives.
Although James Earl Jones notably plays a side character, nothing else new is brought to the table, unless you count racist undertones. Think about it - characters are risking their lives to find a class of African inhabitants
because they are white. "Allan Quatermain" is a watchable action movie, but that's the best that can be said about it.
Available on VHS, Betamax, DVD, and Blu-Ray
Grade: D
Cannon made many bad ninja movies, but this one is probably the most memorable. An amnesiac who only remembers his ninja training is conscripted into the army as an alternative to prison,
taking on the Black Star, a ninja force that is smuggling cocaine in the Philippines.
The action sequences are quite ridiculous, with moments such as a car exploding after lightly brushing against a tree. Toward the end of the film, the enemy ninjas are suddenly realized to be armed with lasers!
Apart from the action, there is a stereotypical Japanese trainer, along with a love interest, who is enamored by our hero's abs. "American Ninja" is a poorly-acted, poorly-written martial arts movie. But if all you want is
popcorn-munching action, it will do the trick.
Available on VHS, Betamax, DVD, and Blu-Ray
Grade: D
"Anaconda" is known for being "hilariously bad". Why? While it does have dated CGI effects, it holds similar appeal to "Runaway Train", with Jon Voight relentlessly pushing our protagonists towards danger.
A boat that is seemingly set to shoot a documentary about Amazonian tribes picks him up, and he claims to know the way. This turns out to be a setup, however, as he already knows the boat driver, and they are headed
toward a gigantic, vicious snake, with the hope of catching it for money.
Surprisingly, the movie has an all-star cast, with Ice Cube, Jennifer Lopez, Eric Stoltz, and Owen Wilson. None of them commit to the role with the same ferocity as Jon Voight, however, who is arguably scarier than the snake that comes
to eat the crew one-by-one. While animatronics were used for its close-up shots, the wide shots make it look like it isn't actually there, but rather, superimposed onto the footage. Still, this action flick knows that snake kills aren't enough to hook
audiences, and its reliance on interpersonal conflict saves it.
Available on VHS, LaserDisc, DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: B-
"Antz" was accused by Pixar of stealing ideas from "A Bug's Life". While this DreamWorks movie is also computer-animated and features talking ants, it's actually quite different.
A worker ant falls in love with Princess Bala, going to war for her under the command of ruthless General Mandible. After surviving a battle by luck, he becomes an inspiration to other worker
ants, posing a threat to Mandible's militaristic colony.
What's striking about this talking-ant film is that it holds appeal for both children and adults. The ants have faces that resemble the voice actors, rather than a "Toy Story" appearance, and the
dialogue contains a dry wit missing from "A Bug's Life". This makes it rewatchable, because the viewer's relationship to it changes depending on their age. The movie does try a little too hard to earn a PG,
with swearing that feels tacked on. It's unnecessary, because the violence already pushes it away from G-rated territory. Still, "Antz" is more enjoyable than "A Bug's Life", because it has staying power in addition
to its advanced animation.
Available on VHS, DVD, and Blu-Ray
Grade: B+
The third "Evil Dead" movie had mixed reactions from fans of the series, because it takes a turn, dialing down the violence and opting for a medieval setting. This time around, Ash searches for a magic book that will return him
to the present, fighting undead knights who want the book for its power.
Whereas the first two "Evil Dead" movies are best described as extremely gory black comedy, this one goes for a more audience-friendly slapstick comedy. In fact, Sam Raimi attempted to earn a PG-13 rating, though he was unsuccessful.
"Army of Darkness" is a departure for sure, but it's fresher than the previous entry. The practical effects are just as good, and Bruce Campbell is iconic as always.
Available on VHS, LaserDisc, DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: B