Before "South Park", there was "The Bad News Bears", a movie that looks like it's about innocent kids playing little league. In reality, it contains borderline R-level profanity, including the N-word and the F-slur.
This is the kind of comedy that protrays children closer to how they actually are in real life - curious about adulthood, and desperate to grow up. Walter Matthau plays a disgruntled, alcoholic coach, who lets the kids swig beer
and call each other names. When his daughter wants to join the team, along with a chain-smoking juvenile delinquent, this brings unexpected hope to win the championship.
Along with the edginess, there is unexpected heart, as the daughter tries to gain the approval of her father as a girl playing baseball. The movie also has social commentary on the parental culture surrounding little league, with
adults who act like children over a game. "The Bad News Bears" is a time capsule of 70's family dynamics, but in terms of entertainment, it passes the test of time.
Available on VHS, Betamax, CED, LaserDisc, DVD, and Blu-Ray
Grade: B+
One of the most successful movies of the decade also happens to be one of the most divisive. Some have hailed it as a sharp
critique on patriarchal society, others have denounced it as anti-men. So which one is it?
It's neither of those things. The basic premise is that Barbie and Ken venture off from the female-led Barbie world into the real world, where they learn about sexism.
Ken finally feels a sense of belonging, and brings back patriarchy to the Barbie world, turning it into a Kendom. While the first half of the movie is entertaining,
it takes a turn in the second half. When the underlying message is driven home, the delivery is aggressively direct, making you feel like you're being told what to
think, rather than being moved by a narrative. The male characters are portrayed as very one-dimensional, and while subverting gendered expectations was the point
of the movie, it's worth noting that the comedy doesn't hold broad appeal like it seemed to in the trailers. "Barbie" is nowhere near as good as critics made it out to
be, but nowhere near as bad as the internet's consensus suggests.
Available on DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: C+
While fans seem to overshadow this movie with "The Dark Knight", Tim Burton's "Batman" was a major step toward that point in cinema, allowing superhero movies made since to push
the envelope. It stars Michael Keaton as Batman, who is tasked with stopping the Joker, played by Jack Nicholson. The Joker's scheme is hijacking a corporation to release deadly products,
after his organization betrayed him.
The visuals of Gotham City strike a perfect balance between dark and whimsical, really making the movie feel like a proper comic book adaptation. While Keaton and Nicholson don't have the gritty edge
that Christopher Nolan would cultivate with Christian Bale and Heath Ledger, they play the parts exactly as imagined for anyone familiar with Batman. The only weak point of the film would be
Kim Basinger as Vicki Vale, who is little more than a damsel in distress. Otherwise, it's the most faithful imagining of Batman to date, and holds the DNA for superhero movies going forward.
Available on VHS, LaserDisc, DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: A-
This "Batman" movie did poorly at the box office, because it's animated, leading audiences to assume it's for kids. Ironically, it's more mature than the live-action "Batman Forever", which came a year later.
It features a new masked vigilante known as the Phantasm, who murders crime bosses before disappearing in smoke, framing Batman. The Joker gets thrown into the mix when Gotham's criminals turn to him to kill their assumed threat. Meanwhile, Bruce Wayne's love life makes him feel guilt over his newfound happiness, because he
feels like the death of his parents should scar him forever.
At 76 minutes, this is basically an extended episode of "Batman: The Animated Series", rather than a full-fledged "Batman" movie. But it's a good episode. Despite being released under the Warner Bros. Family
Entertainment label, it makes a real effort to push the envelope, with scenes such as one of Joker's victims being poisoned and laughing to his death. My main complaint with the film is that a lot of ground is covered in a short runtime, leaving little room for
spectacle. But if you think of it as a TV episode that made it to the big screen, you shouldn't be disappointed.
Available on VHS, LaserDisc, DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD.
Grade: B
At 72 minutes, "Bebe's Kids" feels more like a TV episode than a full-length movie. A Nickelodeon episode, to be exact - the plot centers around rambunctious kids, yet it carries a PG-13 rating. Who was
this movie for?
In all seriousness, there isn't much to the film. A man wants to impress a woman, and ends up getting roped into taking care of her kids at an amusement park, where various chaotic events ensue. "Bebe's Kids" is
competently made, but it's one of those titles that you forget about the moment the credits roll.
Available on VHS, LaserDisc, DVD, and Blu-Ray
Grade: C
"Beer" is a product of the mid-80's, coming off a wave of movies that satirize businesses. In this one, the beer industry is parodied. Norbecker Brewing is desperate, and hires three
random dudes to save them through a series of TV commercials.
Another way this movie is a product of the mid-80's is its blatant homophobia. At one point, the three actors accidentally stumble into a gay bar, and get caught by the press. Norbecker leans
into this, making a commerical that takes place at a gay bathhouse, with every stereotype in the book. "Beer" isn't a particularly clever comedy, but there are some laughs to be had, even if some
of them are from shock of what you could get away with back then.
Available on VHS, Betamax, and DVD
Grade: C
This adaptation of the old poem uses motion-capture technology to mimic live-action with CGI. It takes place in Denmark in the sixth century AD, where a village struggles with monster attacks. A man named Beowulf sails to shore,
and after killing the monster that is causing terror in their mead hall, he goes after the monster's mother. However, he gives into temptation, as the mother turns out to be a beautiful spirit with the ability to grant kinghood. Thus,
we witness the corruption that overtakes our hero.
The animation was groundbreaking in 2007, but by today's standards, it looks like a video game, rather than photorealistic. Still, I'm a sucker for adult animation, and this movie pushes the PG-13 rating with its action sequences. Even if there
isn't much human blood, the monsters pose a genuine threat, with people burned and dismembered. The character arc that everyone granted king in the story is subject to creates a cyclical structure to the film, making it unusual as a big-budget
blockbuster. "Beowulf" is a fascinating production. There are moments that feel like 3D money shots, but that's nitpicking in an exciting adventure, and I can't get over the fact that it was from the creators of "Monster House" and "Polar Express".
Available on DVD, HD DVD, and Blu-Ray
Grade: B+
"A Better Tomorrow" had considerable impact on Asian cinema, with its signature "gun-fu" action sequences. In fact, kids in Hong Kong often wore long coats like the main characters, despite the fact that
this movie is too violent for children. It features a former gang member, who was double-crossed and spent time in prison. He feels torn between connecting with his brother, who strives to be a police officer,
and seeking revenge on the gang leader that betrayed him.
When his family is attacked, his brother blames his criminal ties, and seeks revenge on him. Revenge is a central theme in this movie, as well as how it can both separate and bring people together at the same time.
"A Better Tomorrow" is a slickly-directed crime drama with characters that toe the line between good and bad, making them real. Watch the movie in Cantonese with English subtitles, because the dubbing is terrible.
Available on VHS, DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: A
While directed just as well as his other movies, "The Birds" is one of Hitchcock's weaker films in terms of plot. It takes roughly 45 minutes for the first bird to show up, with little reason for the
drawn-out exposition. When an apocalypse of aggressive birds overtakes a small town, however, it becomes enjoyable as an early example of natural horror, as well as another Hitchcock production to push the Hays Code,
with enough violence to earn a PG-13 on home video in 1984. The concept of killer birds might sound silly, but if you're patient and willing to suspend your disbelief, Hitchcock's signature craft shines through.
Available on VHS, Betamax, CED, LaserDisc, DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: B-
"The Black Cauldron" had test audiences disturbed, and the archived stills from the lost original cut are surprisingly graphic for Disney to even consider. But it was neutered to reach a wider audience, ending up with the
first PG rating in Disney animation.
The plot follows a boy who is tasked with destroying a magic cauldron, which the Horned King wants to steal to create an undead army. He is accompanied by a princess, along with an annoying creature. Disney deserves credit for
creating an assertive female character who doesn't just exist to be saved. But apart from that, the story feels derivative, as does the soundtrack, which some have accused of ripping off "Ghostbusters". While the Horned King is
genuinely creepy for kids, the original cut would have been a bold move for Disney. Instead, they simply followed cinema trends of the 80's.
Available on VHS, DVD, and Blu-Ray
Grade: C+
Although slashers got their DNA with films such as "Psycho", "Black Christmas" feels like a direct inspiration for John Carpenter's "Halloween", which would go on to revolutionize the genre.
"Black Christmas" takes place at a university during the holiday season, where a sorority is having a Christmas gathering. An obscene phone call abruptly changes the tone, and progresses to a
series of murders.
The movie is structured like a whodunnit, complete with red herrings, and some might be disappointed by the ending. However, it was a deliberate move against traditional conventions,
leaving the audience with a lingering sense of dread. "Black Christmas" is tame by today's standards, with most of the kills implied or bloodless, but it doesn't exist to shock the audience
with graphic violence. It's a strangely cozy film, with the softly-lit, festive atmosphere at odds with the harrowing events, making them all the more scary. If you don't like Christmas movies,
give this one a try.
Available on VHS, LaserDisc, DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: B+
"Body Rock" comes off a wave of break-dancing movies in the mid-80's. It features a break-dancer trying to become famous, enlisting the help of a local black kid. There's not much to this movie,
and the pacing suffers, although the theme song did make it to the Billboard Hot 100.
Available on VHS, Betamax, and DVD
Grade: D
This biopic about Freddie Mercury is not a reliable representation of his life. With a PG-13 rating, any sex or drug use had to be out of frame, which feels awkward for a story about a glam rock star.
Toward the end, there is also a glaring historical inaccuracy. Still, Rami Malek did a convincing job as Mercury, and the concert sequences are slickly produced. For these reasons, the film is entertaining to watch, even if it doesn't succeed as a biopic in the
traditional sense.
Available on DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: B-
Ladies and gentlemen...the most depressing horror-comedy ever made. "Brain Damage" gets an A for creature effects and gore, but its theme of drug addiction makes it feel
strangely real. A young man finds a talking parasite attached to the back of his neck, which injects a hallucinogenic, euphoric substance directly into his brain. But for each time he gets high,
someone's brain has to be eaten.
There's nothing wrong with dark humor, but the torment and isolation affecting our protagonist is so realistic that it's hard to watch. For instance, when he tries to quit the substance, the parasite
tortures him with nightmares until he begs to get another buzz. "Brain Damage" is effective as an anti-drug movie, but the comedy doesn't land.
Available on VHS, Betamax, DVD, and Blu-Ray
Grade: C-
Although aimed at children, "The Brave Little Toaster" is surprisingly mature. It features a collection of appliances who live at a cabin. The young boy who visits it is known as the "Master".
When the cabin is sold, the appliances take it upon themselves to find the Master, only to realize that years have passed, and they are obsolete next to all the new technology.
Apart from a nightmare sequence featuring a clown, as well as a scene where terrified machines are disassembled to death, this movie features the existential theme of attachment when the world
has moved on. "The Brave Little Toaster" stands out as a cartoon with something to say, other than pandering to a younger audience.
Available on VHS, LaserDisc, and DVD
Grade: B+
Appearing on Siskel & Ebert's "Worst of 1985" list, "The Bride" deserves a second look. It stars Sting as Dr. Frankenstein, who creates a woman out of reanimated flesh. His first creation, a male monster,
is quickly abandoned, and joins a traveling circus. Meanwhile, the undead woman tries to live beyond the boundaries imposed by her creator.
One of the biggest points of criticism is the acting of Jennifer Beals. While it is quite wooden, it makes sense for a reanimated corpse. Another point of criticism is the pacing, which oscillates as we move back and forth
between the two monsters. While there is a lot of exposition in Frankenstein's castle, it allows you to soak up the Gothic atmosphere, which is actually done quite well. What I can't defend is how the plot has a tendency to make up its own rules,
such as the monsters suddenly having a psychic connection. But this movie is a pleasant surprise, with moments of genuine tension. At one point, there is a brutal death that pushes the PG-13 envelope, calling
back to a time when the rating wasn't used as a marketing gimmick.
Available on VHS, Betamax, DVD, and Blu-Ray
Grade: B-
Sting's movie about the beginning of his band is energetic as a concert film, but boring as a documentary. In it, African American musicians are recruited from various backgrounds,
but much of the first half glosses over this, instead focusing on Sting himself. He appears very self-absorbed in the interviews, talking in a way that tries to be more profound than it really is.
When you see the concert sequences for "The Dream of the Blue Turtles" tour, it starts feeling less like a vanity project, and more like a slickly directed music video. "Bring On the Night" could
have been better if it focused less on Sting and more on his music.
Available on VHS and DVD
Grade: C
In the fall of 1998, there were two computer-generated movies with anthropomorphic ants - "Antz" and "A Bug's Life". But whereas "Antz" holds appeal for adults, "A Bug's Life" is clearly a kid's movie.
It tells the story of an ant colony who owes a food ration that they don't have to angry grasshoppers, fighting back with a troupe of circus insects.
Much like in "Toy Story", the animation is cutting-edge for the time. However, the plot and dialogue are simplistic to appeal to a wide audience, negatively affecting rewatchability. "A Bug's Life" is a good
movie, but not as good as "Antz".
Available on VHS, DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: B
"The Bye Bye Man" sounds less like a horror movie title and more like a five-year-old's imaginary friend. The plot involves a spiritual being that gains its power from belief. However,
many moments in the film make little sense, as it was edited from R to PG-13, with elements of the story removed. Add in substandard acting and CGI effects, and you have a horror film
that was designed to sell tickets, with little concern for actually being scary. Still, some unintentionally funny moments make it passable schlock.
Available on DVD and Blu-Ray
Grade: D