Ladies and gentlemen, a comedy that predicted the future. "Idiocracy" is based on the premise that humanity has devolved over time, leading to an unintelligent society in the future. When a man with average intelligence is cryogenically
frozen and wakes up in this time, he is recognized as a genius, but has a hard time convincing those in power of basic common sense, such as using water to grow crops rather than Gatorade.
With a celebrity in office, a laughably disorganized healthcare system, and clearly bad movies being praised by the Motion Picture Academy, this is essentially a satire of the trajectory that politics and pop culture are taking. There are many
memorable lines in the movie, and I suspect that the reason there isn't a Blu-Ray release is because the commentary has become too real in the past 20 years.
Available on DVD
Grade: B+
Based on a mystery novel, this adaptation was turned into a slasher. It features a group of partying teenagers on the North Carolina coast who hit someone with their car. Not wanting to jeopardize their futures, they dump the body into the water, making a pact that
none of them will breath a word of what happened. A year passes, and one of them gets an anonymous note, saying "I know what you did last summer." The rest of the film follows the teens as they get killed one-by-one by a mysterious figure wielding a hook and wearing a raincoat.
While the first hour or so of this movie is entertaining, the twists and turns needed to find the killer are so rushed and convoluted that it collapses into a typical slasher, where you are taken out of the story and wait for the kills to happen. Still, there are interesting characters, such
as a high school beauty queen who has to give away her crown to the next graduating class. "I Know What You Did Last Summer" is loaded with 90's nostalgia, and has some good ideas, but they don't fully come together. Still, it's notable for helping revitalize the slasher genre.
Available on VHS, DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: B-
The title makes this sound like a comedy, but it's actually a faith-based drama about a drug trafficker who falls for a religious woman. Slowly, he learns the error of his ways and how to accept Jesus
into his life.
While meant to be taken seriously, there are some unintentionally funny moments, such as when the protagonist first sees his love while driving. He slams on the gas and tries to catch up to her. It's also borderline
ridiculous how many times a character refers to the Bible. But these are diversions in a blandly-written story, and when the main character delivers a lengthy religious monologue, you'll be looking at your watch.
Religious themes don't make a movie bad, but they aren't enough to carry a movie when it's amateurishly made.
Available on DVD and Blu-ray
Grade: D-
As a die-hard Indy fan, this conclusion to the "Indiana Jones" series would have to be the biggest disappointment of 2023. It features Harrison Ford one last time as Indiana Jones, an aging professor at Hunter College in 1969.
When his goddaughter sets out to find Archimedes' Dial, an artifact said to cause time fissures, Jurgen Voller, a NASA scientist who fought Indy in 1944, uses his position to support his Neo-Nazi agenda. His plan is
to travel back to 1939 to assassinate Hitler, which he believes will change the outcome of World War II.
The opening 30 minutes take place in 1944, with a de-aged Indiana Jones. While the fight choreography is as if Indy had never left, shadowy lighting is used to mask the CGI. As soon as we fast-forward to 1969, however,
de-aging technology becomes the least of the movie's problems. Throughout the adventure, Indy is essentially a sidekick in his own movie. While it's true that Harrison Ford was 80 years old at the time of production, it's fair to
expect Indy to be in the center of the action. There is also a plot point that gives away the movie, but suffice it to say that it's a major letdown. Add in the fact that the runtime is over two and a half hours, and you're in for
pacing issues.
Is there anything good about the movie? Well, the idea had potential. Jurgen Voller is a ruthless villain, and Harrison Ford still convincingly plays Indiana Jones, even if he is sidelined. Issues from "Crystal Skull", such as the
bad green-screen and cartoonish action, are done away with. But this final adventure feels like it replaced the problems with new ones. It's still worth watching for longtime fans, given you keep your expectations low.
Available on DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: C-
After 19 years, Indy is back. But this legacy sequel is a significant downgrade from the original trilogy. It features Indiana Jones in 1957, who is after an alien skull with telepathic powers. The Soviets want to use it to broadcast
propaganda to the United States. In this installment, Indy has a son, named Mutt Williams, who aids him in his race against the Russians, along with Marion Ravenwood from "Raiders of the Lost Ark".
Harrison Ford was 65 at the time of production, but in every action scene, he is essentially a superhero, fighting the KGB agents with zero vulnerability. Mutt Williams, played by Shia LeBeouf, is a whiny
sidekick, and there's no way around mentioning the bad CGI effects, with monkeys and gophers that look like they wandered from a PlayStation 2 game. Still, the idea for the film is interesting, even if fans might
scoff at aliens in an Indiana Jones movie. It pays homage to 50's B-movies, which is appropriate, given that the original trilogy paid homage to 30's adventure serials. Harrison Ford plays the role well as always, and
while there are far-fetched moments, like the infamous "nuke the fridge" scene or the fire ant fight, I'll take that over a movie where Indy doesn't get to do anything. (cough) Dial (cough). "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" is
a respectable adventure, but as a follow-up to arguably the greatest action trilogy ever made, one can't help but be underwhelmed.
Available on DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: C
While "Temple of Doom" was positively awesome, it caused significant controversy, leading Spielberg to make Indy's third adventure more similar to "Raiders". Taking place in 1938, our favorite hero searches for his father, who went
missing looking for the Holy Grail. Henry Jones Sr. had spent his life caring more about the Grail than his own son, but when Indy finds him captured in Austria, a bond grows between them. Together, they must fight against the Nazis,
who want the Grail for its power to grant immortality.
While this is the first Indiana Jones movie to carry a PG-13 rating, it's actually less violent than either of the PG ones. Rather than pushing the envelope, this adventure emphasizes the relationship between Indy and his father,
with comedy balancing the action. Sean Connery plays the role of Indy's dad with just as much charm and wit as Harrison Ford plays Indiana Jones. Still, I can't help but miss the visceral fight choreography from the first two installments.
"Last Crusade" is a safer endeavor, repeating the plot structure and tone that made "Raiders of the Lost Ark" successful. But it adds enough to stand on its own, making it a worthy finale that stops just short of its predecessors.
Available on VHS, LaserDisc, DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: A-
Contrary to popular belief, this is actually a prequel to "Raiders of the Lost Ark". Taking place in 1935, it follows Indy as he escapes a shootout from Chinese gangsters who poisoned him, taking a nightclub singer with him to provide the antidote.
A kid named Short Round drives their getaway car, and they escape to India. When there, they stumble across a poor village, whose magic stones have been taken by a secret cult in Pankot Palace, causing a famine. The palace appears to be grand, but in its underbelly
is a place of child slavery and ritual sacrifice.
This is where the movie gets controversial. There is a scene where the cult leader pulls a sacrifice victim's still-beating heart from his chest. The MPAA was on the fence about whether to issue a PG or an R rating, but ultimately went with PG for box-office reasons.
Parents were outraged, and in order to mitigate the backlash, Spielberg suggested the MPAA create a new midpoint between PG and R, which they did. PG-13 went into effect in August of that year.
But despite the controversy, this is my favorite Indiana Jones movie. The intensity is what makes it memorable, with fight scenes that really get your heart racing. Indy is also shown at his most vulnerable, which is the secret
ingredient to a good Indiana Jones movie. He is force-fed a potion and temporarily turns evil. Some have criticized the supporting characters as being annoying, but they create comic relief early on, which makes you think you're in
for a lighthearted adventure, only for the rug to be pulled from under you. Some have also criticized the ethnic stereotypes, like in the dinner scene, where the characters are fed monkey brains, live snakes, and eyeball soup. But this
is very much in line with 30's adventure serials, and works because of the absurdity. "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" is a classic, and while it gets treated like the red-headed stepchild of the original trilogy, it's arguably
the most effective.
Available on VHS, Betamax, LaserDisc, DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: A