If I had to single out the scariest movie in the slasher genre, it would be "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre". What makes it scary isn't the gore - Tobe Hooper shot the movie with the intention of a PG rating. It's the documentary-like
framing, combined with production values that look homemade. A group of teenagers run out of gas, stopping near a seemingly abandoned slaughterhouse. When they enter it, hoping to barter for gas, they realize that it's home to a family of
cannibals, including Leatherface, a man with a mask of human skin.
Even though there isn't much gore, the kills are shown in such a way that you can practically feel the pain. When a character gets her back impaled on a meat hook, we see her excruciated reaction from the front. Another character is beaten with a
mallet, and his quivering body is taken behind a sliding metal door, implying that Leatherface isn't done. The killing is done in an assembly-line style, planting the idea of humans being subject to the meat industry they thought they had control over. It will
make you lose your appetite.
Some have criticized the movie for its extended terror against female characters, even if mostly male characters are killed. But I think that was the point - there is a scene at a dinner table that shows just how willing the family is to exploit vulnerability, and it deliberately
goes on to make you feel uncomfortable. It isn't a moral statement so much as it is trying to be scary. Others have criticized the movie for its shallow characters. But I think that was the point as well - what makes it effective is its use of documentary tactics, so you're presented
less of a narrative and more of an observation. "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre" may be an exploitation film, but it's a masterfully done exploitation film.
Available on VHS, Betamax, CED, LaserDisc, DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: A
I normally don't enjoy documentaries, but this one manages to be entertaining. It follows a private investigator exposing the inner workings of the MPAA by secretly going after its members, revealing that the "parents" recruited by Jack Valenti to help rate movies had never left, instead growing older. This, along with ties to Christian organizations, leads the investigators to discuss how bias affects the rating system.
They interview filmmakers who are displeased with the system, such as Trey Parker and John Waters.
The findings are mostly accurate. Most notably, language and sexual content are treated more harshly than violence, and the deciding factors for each rating are largely arbitrary, such as the number of times a word is said, or how many seconds a sex scene is. Studio influence is also discussed, and how ratings influence box office. At times, I felt like bad examples were used by the filmmakers, because they are taken out of context. When discussing abuse against women, a clip from "Carrie" is shown,
which was kind of the point. When discussing violence in PG-13 movies, they show a stylized sequence from "Die Another Day", when it would have been more effective to show a grittier movie, such as from the "Bourne" series. But much like "Super Size Me", the documentary elements are presented in a way that makes it fun to watch, as if you're getting the inside scoop that the organization doesn't want you to see. "This Film is Not Yet Rated" was given an NC-17, and
it's funny to imagine the MPAA's reaction during the screening.
Available on DVD
Grade: B
Some movies are well-known for being good, and some, like "Top Gun", are well-known for being commercially successful. This isn't a bad movie, but it's more of an iconic staple in pop culture than a compelling story. Fighter pilots are given the chance to go to
an academy designed for the best of the best, known as Top Gun. Maverick, played by Tom Cruise, is an egocentric aviator who ignores the rules imposed by his lieutenant, but things change at Top Gun, where he competes with another skilled pilot, all while falling in love with
the instructor.
The soundtrack is memorable, and the flight scenes are energetically edited. But I didn't care for the romantic subplot, which lacks the energy of the training sequences and derails the pacing. While some have accused the movie of being military propaganda, I never really believed that Tom Cruise
was actually a fighter pilot, so it doesn't feel like warmongering. "Top Gun" has an all-star cast and marketable premise, but the writing just doesn't sustain it.
Available on VHS, LaserDisc, DVD, Blu-Ray, Blu-Ray 3D, and UHD
Grade: C+
What stands out about "Tourist Trap" is that it's the only slasher movie I know to carry a PG rating, which surprised even the director. Although the premise is similar to "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre",
it adds a supernatural twist, which I'm guessing the MPAA interpreted as less violent?
A group of teenagers in a Winnebago get a flat tire in a rural area, where there is a roadside wax museum. Little do they know that the wax mannequins are possessed by telekinetic powers, and make each guest one
of them.
Some of the characters are direct rip-offs from "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre". There's a killer that looks like Leatherface, except with a mask made of wax. Another character appears to be helpful, but is actually evil, which is
a lifted plot point. Still, I like the idea of a movie that plays on the stigma of tourist traps. It also combines a campy charm with minimal gore, making it accessible for newcomers of the slasher genre.
Available on VHS, DVD, and Blu-Ray
Grade: C+
I was hoping this would be a hidden gem, but I had trouble staying awake. "Transylvania 6-5000" follows two tabloid reporters as they are ordered to get material on monster sightings in Transylvania. In the process, they stay at a haunted hotel.
There isn't much structure to the film as soon as it settles into its destination. While various classic horror tropes are parodied, they have mostly been done to death long before 1985. The funniest joke is in the end credits, where a "Transylvestite"
operation is mentioned. When your best joke hasn't aged well, you have a problem. "Transylvania 6-5000" wants to be "Young Frankenstein", but it does nothing to spin the humor in a new way, and lacks the comedic timing or delivery to work. It features an
all-star cast, including Jeff Goldblum, who is much more capable than this.
Available on VHS, Betamax, CED, LaserDisc, DVD, and Blu-Ray
Grade: D-
Although groundbreaking for its special effects, "Tron" is mostly a curiosity today. It stars Jeff Bridges as an arcade owner, who hacks into a mainframe to prove that his video game idea was plagiarized by a big corporation. Its security system transports
him into the computer, and he engages in lightcycle races and disc battles to find his way back to the real world.
I'm in engineering school, and I love the setup of this movie. However, as soon as we are taken inside the computer, the structure collapses, in favor of showcasing CGI effects. Some have argued that the CGI is dated, but it has a dreamlike aesthetic that was lost in the
sequels, and looks appropriate for taking place inside an 80's computer. Unfortunately, visuals can only take a movie so far, and I wish that "Tron" sustained its interest in computers throughout, rather than turning into what feels like a space opera.
Available on VHS, Betamax, CED, LaserDisc, DVD, Blu-Ray, and UHD
Grade: C+